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(Courtesy of fravia's searching lores)

This makes very good troll-related reading and it is much more informative than it may seem at first

by Friendly Neighbourhood Vote Wrangler

published at searchlores in October 2004

A troll will be "impeached" in this text, among other things "for displaying unmanly cowardice in the face of a Perl Script".
The original article (on Usenet) is here.

USENET'S SUPREME COURT OF LAST RESORT (i.e. us [tinu]) is hereby
required and requested to give solemn consideration to the following
ARTICLES, presented in evidence that YING GUO, alias Real Friendly
Neighborhood Vote Ranger, alias yyyiiinnnggg, alias Knight of
Fairness, alias Fishenstein, alias Funkelfish, alias "That moron I've
plonked six times already today" is deserving of IMPEACHMENT according
to the Immutable Laws governing the free and open discourse of this
Blessed Empire of Meow:

(Article One)

Whereas, in the Year of Grace 2004, in the month of September, the
aforesaid Ying Guo did, with stupidity aforethought, engage in a flame
war with a Mechanical Posting Mechanism (hereinafter referred to as "a
bot") and did most feloniously fail to win the aforementioned flame

(Article Two)

And whereas, in the same Year of Grace 2004, in the month of October,
the aforesaid Ying Guo did compound his treasonable idiocy by engaging
in a flame war with yet another bot (hereinafter referred to as a
"Mechanical Posting Mechanism"), and did attempt to secure undeserved
victory by the cowardly and treacherous devices of (1) Morphing, (2)
Setting Kooky Follow-Ups and (3) Making A Few People Feel Almost Sorry
For Him;

(Article Three)

And whereas, at sundry intervals during the second and third millennia
of the Common Era, the aforementioned Ying Guo did demonstrate many
times to the satisfaction of all observers that he couldn't fucking
troll the fucking skin off a fucking rice pudding (hereinafter
referred to as a "bland but nutritious milk-based dessert");

(Article Four)

And whereas, by posting innnumerable messages (hereinafter referrred
to as "illiterate, incomprehensible garbage") in one or more Official
AUK Voting Threads, the aforementioned Ying Guo did, with murderous
intent, make the Friendly Neighbourhood Vote Wrangler come close to
rupturing himself from sheer incredulous laughter at the unbelievable
vanity of the kook;

That the aforesaid Ying Guo be sent to stand trial before a court of
his peers in alt.idiots, alt.morons and alt.fucknozzles, to be charged
with the capital offence of making the rest of them look almost


That the aforesaid Ying Guo be consigned summarily and forthwith,
without right of appeal, to the depths of the Galactic Killfile, being
thus disqualified in perpetuity from all the many prestigious and
profitable awards and offices to which his betters in the world of
kookery are entitled;


That the aforesaid Ying Guo be awarded instead the Brown Clownpants
Award (as approximately suggested by The Noble Lord Mair Fheal (Grand
Duke of Westernesse and Acting Mayor of The Shire) for displaying
unmanly cowardice in the face of a Perl Script, as heretofore
mentioned in Article Two of the aforementioned Articles;


That the aforesaid Ying Guo be renamed "Ying Guo the Non-Existent" and
treated accordingly by all good men and true (and by us evil lying
bastards and Mechanical Posting Mechanisms [hereinafter referred to as
"bots"] as well);


That the aforesaid Ying Guo be fined a sum of five hundred quatloos,
and additionally be required to replenish the Cabal Obsidian Order's
beer fridge daily for a period of one calendar month or until Wollmann
files a lawsuit, whichever period may be the longer;

WHEREUNTO all Usenet posters in good standing (and as many trolls and
kookologists as care to join in) are requested and required to affix
their signatures and those of their heralds, high stewards and
armigerous sockpuppets.

Hail Fluffy! Ave Ming! Heil "Bob"! Praise the Lord and pass the Gray
Alien Sauce dispenser!

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